Our primary care provider has variously said to us that we have: chronic migraines, myofascial pain syndrome (MPS) [1], postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS) [2], fibromyalgia [3], myalgic encephalomyelitis / chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS) [4], and possibly some form of Ehler-Danlos syndrome (EDS) [5] but neither of us are sure. That is: basically everything that has no well-known causes. Sucks!

We’ve had some form of all of these for years, but they all got significantly worse after getting COVID-19 twice last year. Recently, our pain has spiked, leading us to need to wear knee braces pretty consistently. We also have several mental health disorders to so graciously complement our physical disabilities; soon we will be getting a wheelchair (exciting!), and we have consistently used forearm crutches for ¾ths of a year now. Last week, we were checking out the #cripplepunk on Tumblr, and came to the realization:

Wait.

Fuck.

We’re a cripple!

It had been staring us in the face for years. Strange as this sounds, at the point that you need a wheelchair, you’re not able-bodied. Shocking.

But, in all honesty, it was shocking! The society we live in is ableist to its core.

Internalized ableism

Ableism, as a hierarchy of oppression and dominance, is insidious—that is, it pervades and influences everyone in both overt and covert ways. While it should be obvious that needing a wheelchair is a pretty clear dividing line between disabled and non-disabled (albeit a very imperfect sign,) the society we live in makes recognizing this fact within yourself both horrendously difficult and costly.

Internalized ableism is ableism that is internalized. EZPZ enough, but even though it’s internal, it is not 100% internal. It is, in fact, internal-ized, where “-ized” is a suffix that indicates the state of being caused to be a certain way (to be “zoomorphized” means “to be endowed with animal qualities.”) The society we live in, its strange social conventions, and the very architecture that we build is imbued with ableism.

For the latter case, being forced to make buildings accessible under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) does not apply to buildings that have been grandfathered in until major renovation is done to that building. A few of the buildings at our university are older than that limit, meaning that the university is allowed to drag its heels and screech at anyone daring to want to be able to go to class like everyone else; the university does this anyways with all buildings, but that’s besides the point. There is a clear logic train for people who have little to no knowledge (as well as those who are willfully ignorant) of disability to see that very many buildings, public spaces, and most modes of transportation are woefully inaccessible, and from there associate the concept of “being in a wheelchair” with the concept of “the wheelchair is a burden” (and from there: “people in wheelchairs are burdens.”) This is not the only factor as to why internalized ableism is perpetuated, but it is illustrative.

Another factor causing internalized ableism is that being disabled in our society is costly. It should not be, but the people at the top of hierarchies scaremonger in order to make us live in squalor and to just brush us away. There are constant news stories about how people on SSDI, food stamps, and welfare are mooching, manipulating and stealing from a totally-100%-really-really limited supply of money derived from your hard-won and fairly-earned tax dollars.

A few months back our aunt talked to us about a local homeless man who made a living wage from begging as if he were the spawn of Satan. But like, good for him! The hidden implication of this rhetoric is that disabled and unhoused people (which are populations that heavily intersect, as well as intersecting with addicts) deserve to be out of sight and out of mind: That is, that we deserve to die.

The ableism of the society we live in is the only reason that many many people see us as useless, a fearful glimpse into what could be, a burden; and ableism is the only reason that many people see some of our friends and family as unhuman filth that ought to be taken out of their misery. That is, to use a term we got from “The Sexist Microphysics of Power” by Nerea Barjola, we are seen as bare life [6, pp. 23–24, 27–28]: “The potential to reduce a person to a mere animal existence, to bare life—albeit fleetingly—also confers the privilege of remaining on the threshold, the point at which the person can be killed without the commissioning of homicide.” [6, p. 28]

Punch/Counterpunch [7] and their lamely named Sibling in the Spark: Narrative/Counternarrative [6, ff. 245]

Narrative

The thing is, all of this is garbage. Disabled people are just that: people. We may need a bit more or a lot more assistance than the average person, but what truly is wrong about needing help? This society says to us, “we will not help you,” and even disabled people come to think “maybe I don’t deserve help.” The quality of deserving life and a happy one at that came for free with the fact we all exist. The lack of help is both artificial and socially enforced. Public transportation in New York City does not have to be inaccessible—as clearly shown by other big cities having much more accessible public transportation—it is only inaccessible because we choose to devalue disabled people.

That’s the thing about hierarchies: It is obvious to everyone that they are extremely harmful. The only reason that you don’t fight hierarchies is because:

• you benefit from those hierarchies (like Zionists settling on stolen Palestinian land;)
• you can’t fight them for some reason either now or soon (e.g., you unstable living conditions, disability, being incarcerated, et cetera;)
• you don’t know how to fight them;
• or, you are a coward.

Unfortunately, lack of adequate knowledge on how to fight hierarchies and cowardice are the most prominent ones. The former can be solved, but we’re not sure if the latter can be.

Counternarrative

We as disabled people need to support each other. The framework of Disability Justice (DJ) laid out by Sins Invalid is a pivotal tool to do this [8]. Nondisabled people will at best be accomplices and allies, at worst hinder, but will usually be poorly equipped to understand what we individually and collectively need and should do. In part due to the isolating nature of disability in our society, disabled people are scattered and have a hard time finding community. Online community is amazing, necessary, and accessible for most of us, but in-person community and close social bonds (whether online or offline) are even more necessary.

It took us at least a year after we first (know that we) got COVID to recognize: hey waitaminute! But, we could not have recognized that we’re crippled without the help of random strangers online and especially without the help of our friends and found family. We can now more accurately recognize that, actually, being in constant pain isn’t a moral failing nor is it that rare. Through community, we can now more accurately see our position within the web of the infinite variation of disabled people and are able to form better solidarity.

For instance, our pain is really bad to us (pain is relative), and we can now better imagine that if it got any much more worse or any much more constant, it could be easy for us to get addicted to drugs. The difference between us and an addict is a difference of circumstance and severity, and is formed out of the violence of a society that perpetuates and forces people into addiction. It is not a hard barrier or a moral failing.

This pain really fucking sucks. We hate it. We hate how our life has been changed by the worsening of our disabilities. Whatever genetic problems we have would have likely always made us disabled, but not to this degree. And, one of the factors that causes ME/CFS, fibromyalgia, et cetera, to either happen, become worse, or both is trauma, and we have too much of that.

It is not enough to perform so-called “radical acceptance” of our disabilities because our disabilities got significantly worse after getting a virus that our society could have prevented but decided that wearing a mask, isolating and washing your hands when you’re sick and getting vaccinated is literally 1984 but woke or whatever. We can’t radically accept the continuation of the ongoing COVID pandemic—we can’t radically accept that a sizable number of people aren’t vaccinating their children against measles and whooping cough—we can’t radically accept all of this because the severity of our disabilities were and are manufactured. That is, our disabilities are this bad because we live in a society of cowards and crybabies who want Jesus to clean up their messes for them.

It is exclusively through working together that we can fix this broken world. We (as in, the writer and a lot of disabled people) would likely die in prison or on the street if we fought a cop or fascist head-on. However, we can, for example, find some like-minded people in our local community and go feed unhoused people in our city [9]. If you’re reading this, you can probably at least talk to someone you trust about this. It’s not our preferred option at all, but you could also join the Democratic Socialists of America (DSA)—a good amount of organizing there can be done totally online. What you are able to do depends on your (dis)ability, but you gotta do something or at least want to do something. No matter what, accepting yourself as disabled, living in it, and living your life how you will as a disabled person is automatically a giant “fuck you” to every ableist ever—they wish so badly that they could be as free and proud as you (were, are, will be) because they know they never, ever will be.

It is not merely necessary, it is also good, reasonable, and just to get fucking pissed at this! The vast majority of people on this planet live in inhumane, oppressive, and bafflingly backwards societies—and you are not crazy for thinking it.

Let’s get pissed!

Let’s support each other!

Let’s do what we’re able to do to bring about a better world!

Solidarity forever!

References

[1] A. Tantanatip and K.-V. Chang, “Myofascial Pain Syndrome,” in StatPearls, Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing, 2025. Accessed: Mar. 24, 2025. [Online]. Available: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK499882/

[2] S. Zhao and V. H. Tran, “Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome,” in StatPearls, Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing, 2025. Accessed: Mar. 24, 2025. [Online]. Available: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK541074/

[3] J. Bhargava and J. Goldin, “Fibromyalgia,” in StatPearls, Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing, 2025. Accessed: Mar. 24, 2025. [Online]. Available: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK540974/

[4] CDC, “IOM 2015 Diagnostic Criteria,” Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Accessed: Mar. 24, 2025. [Online]. Available: https://www.cdc.gov/me-cfs/hcp/diagnosis/iom-2015-diagnostic-criteria-1.html

[5] “Home,” The Ehlers Danlos Society. Accessed: Mar. 24, 2025. [Online]. Available: https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/

[6] N. Barjola, The Sexist Microphysics of Power: The Alcàsser Case and the Construction of Sexual Terror. Chico, California, USA: AK Press, 2024. [Online]. Available: https://www.akpress.org/the-sexist-microphysics-of-power.html

[7] “Punch (G1) – Transformers Wiki.” Accessed: Mar. 24, 2025. [Online]. Available: https://tfwiki.net/mediawiki/index.php?title=Punch_(G1)&oldid=1819303

[8] “10 Principles of Disability Justice | Sins Invalid,” Sins Invalid. Accessed: Mar. 24, 2025. [Online]. Available: https://sinsinvalid.org/10-principles-of-disability-justice/

[9] “2024 Food Not Bombs Locations,” Food Not Bombs. Accessed: Nov. 25, 2024. [Online]. Available: http://foodnotbombs.net/info/locations/